Prop 8

It is beyond me that anyone is surprised that this proposition passed.

I’ve been saying for some time now that “marriage” is the wrong issue to move the needle on gay and lesbian equality.   It really doesn’t do anything fundamental to change people’s views.  Frankly, people on either side of Prop 8 use the word “marriage” like there’s some agreement as to what it means.  In reality, neither side agrees on what it means.

To same-gender marriage supporters, it seems to me that with few exceptions, it’s all about so-called equality and legal rights.   Many people have told me over the past several months all the rights and privileges they think they get with State recognized marriage.  It’s really hard for them to hear that I had all those privileges in the early 90s without State marriage.

To “traditional” marriage supporters – where it’s one man and one woman – I rarely hear them discuss the legalalities.  It’s about the relationship, the commitment, the family, and as appropriate, the relationship with their religion.

While I think that the ban put in place by Prop 8 is wrong and misguided, in my not at all humble opinion, it’s the GLBTQQ* groups who are fucked in the head here.

While both sides have a “my way or the highway” attitude, let’s face it GLBTQQ* folks … we need the support of others if we want equality in anything.  Protesting, like the march in San Francisco last Friday, is a positive thing, I guess, and as it was largely peaceful, not a major detriment.  Seriously, though, if we want to swing some of the minds of people who voted for Prop 8 to be in favour of recognizing us as equal in anything let alone marriage, protesting isn’t going to do it.

Dialogue can do it.  Discussion.  Speak the same language.

“My way or the highway” doesn’t serve our community.  It hurts everyone by using the same mentality that the Prop 8 supporters used: I know what’s best, and fuck you if you don’t like it.

That attitude helps no one.

I will support efforts to repeal Prop 8, but it will come back over and over in one form or another until we change the way people think and feel.  Until we address the real, heart-felt concerns of those with religious convictions, we will battle this over and over, and not to our benefit.

Which leads me to the lawyers and political leaders who have pushed this issue in this way.  Do us all a favor, please.  You’re playing from an old book about how to make social change.  The sue and boo approach is a part of our history, and much of today’s civil rights are due to that path.  That worked in the 20th Century, but it’s not working well here.  Laws that proscribe behaviours are too late in the process as the injustice has already happened.  In the case of marriage, law may permit it eventually, but it doesn’t stop the core problem of discrimination.

Grow up, people.  This approach hurts GLBTQQ* folk everywhere.  You should all be ashamed.

P.S.  If anyone thinks attitudes in CA are close to changing, imagine what these numbers would have looked like if the Republican “base” hadn’t been demoralized in this election.  Does anyone really think this wouldn’t have been worse if the Republicans came out hard and swinging, and the economy hadn’t tanked?  It’s a miracle Prop 8 didn’t win 60-40, people.

A Vote for Change

I waited a while to post about this.

Election Day was a real challenge for me. You see, I think people thought I was kidding when I said I wouldn’t vote for the Democrat this year. A few have called me a racist, but very few to my face. Race has nothing to do with it, trust me. (My dating past alone is like the United Nations.) I just don’t like or respect this man. Case closed.

This left me with a dilemma, though. You see, back in the dark, deep past, I was originally registered as a Republican. I actually voted for GHW Bush back in the 1980 Primary – he was running on a moderate, pro-choice platform at the time. Yes, it’s true. Even then, though, I knew the evil that was Ronald Reagan, and the branch of the Republican Party he represented. I knew it would mean the end of my party as I knew it, even at the age of 18.

So, I voted for Carter. I switched parties and became a Democrat after that election. Thus began nearly 3 decades of voting for the Democratic Nominee, even when I was less than thrilled.

During this season, the more I listened to the eventual Democratic Nominee, the less he sounded different, and the less the Democrats sounded different from the Republicans. I think he promised everything to everybody at one point or another. (Post election, the BBC World Service reported about a woman who honestly believed that Obama – freshly elected that night – would pay her mortgage and other bills for her. She *honestly* believed that.)

I wanted to vote for change. I wanted to stay with the Democratic Party, but realized, as so many had said … they left me, not the other way around. How to vote for change?

And then the simple and the obvious dawned on me. I could vote Green. I knew they’d never win, but the way I could help bring about change was to support another party with another set of ideas. You see, I don’t think the American people really got much of a choice for President this election in the two big parties.

Maybe by supporting a third party, I could help get other options out there. Maybe others would have the same idea.

So, I did it.

For the first time in my life, I voted to have more options, rather than the same, no-option of the Democrats and Republicans. Rather than vote for a man I didn’t respect and could never vote for, or for a man whom I do respect, but whose ideals are antithetical to my existence and could never vote for… I voted a different way.

Did I make a difference? Did I help Change? Yes, I did. If only in me and the way I’ll think about candidates and political parties and options in the future. Hopefully, it’ll mean more and go further …